The Problem with Playing Classical Music

Apologies for the lack of updates.  I’ve barely had any time to do much of anything now that school’s started.  Speaking of which I still need to start my homework, but instead I’m blogging.  Figures.

Anyway, I had a random thought as I was in the car in an hour (damn SAT classes).  I find it hard to improv and/or play anything on the piano that isn’t strictly written out for me.  I’m so used to playing everything that’s put in front of me as a sheet of music.  Take it away and ask me to play something from my mind, and I’m slightly lost.  Well it’s not like I sit there staring at the keys, but I can’t really play anything …really creative I suppose.  My right hand has gotten better at improv actually, but my left hand is still stuck on playing octaves and standard chords.  I can’t really get it to do anything else without knowing what to do.

It’s kind of a shame, to be honest.  If the only thing I can do is replicate what people have written, then what’s the good in that?  Anyone can copy things, but few can create something new.   I really wish I had more time to experiment with the piano more and mess around with chord progressions, but since I’m stuck with preparing classical pieces most of the time, I can’t really get innovative.  I do enjoy classical music, but there’s a part of me that wishes I could stop adhering to written music and just play what I feel like playing.

Thoughts on Writing

Writer’s block.  I’ve had it probably for a good 5+ years now, and it annoys me more and more every day that I lack the ability to think of anything to write about.  Even though I was young and naive when I first started writing crazily back in fifth grade, at least I had ideas, as cliche as they were.  Now I can’t even think of ideas, and the only things I can think of I scrap within minutes because they seem to be too cliche.  I am extremely jealous of one of my friends who has the ability to think of backstories for anything and everything (danbeestoh i want your skillz D:).

I know how to write in theory.  I know how I want to write.  Going about writing sites/blogs, reading guides on how to create good and uncliche characters, worlds, plots, etc.

I know I can write too.  Note I said I can write.  I did not say I can write well.  I realize that I’m far from being able to write well, as it will take years of experiencing writing and life in general to become a good writer who can hold her own in the world of literature.  Anyway, I know I can write.  School essays I’ve always written at the very very last minute (aka most of the time written on the morning of the day it’s due).  I do this due to part procrastination and also part because my best work comes out when I absolutely -need- to finish it.  I tend to write better when I’m pressed for time because then I spend less time worrying over every little sentence and just go with the flow of my mind.  I know it’s good to edit, but sometimes if I spend too much time worrying about editing, I end up worrying too much, and all of the sudden nothing seems good anymore, which results in me scrapping what I’ve written.  That’s happened a lot when I’ve attempted to overcome my writer’s block.

I haven’t found the spark yet, but I’m really hoping I will soon because I really miss the times when I was young and would just write, dream, and imagine for hours upon end.

Half-Blood Prince Thoughts

Warning: this post has spoilers about the movie.  Yea.

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After watching all the HBP trailers, I was pretty certain that it would actually be a decent movie.  Boy was that the wrong mindset to have while walking into the theater.

To sum it up, HBP sucked.  The movie was too centered around romance and had random plot points thrown in here and there to attempt to make a coherent storyline (that didn’t work btw).  There were too many parts that were left out that could have been kept in from the book (example: Dumbledore’s funeral could have totally replaced that wand holding thing).

Before I get into all the bad things from the movie, let me try to think of a few good things.  Uhh…. well there was one particular line that was quite good only because it reminded everyone in GSET of an inside joke (“Indeed.” -Snape).  Slughorn was portrayed pretty well too.  I also really enjoyed seeing Quidditch again, even if it was extremely brief, though that’s probably my OQL geeky side coming out.  Luna was brilliant as usual (go Evanna Lynch!).  I also felt that Michael Gambon did a somewhat better job as Dumbledore this time.  He actually seemed a little more caring than in the previous movies (especially compared to OOTP).  …And I think that’s all I really liked.

The major issue I had with HBP is that everything was a plot point, except for the romance.  I know usually in the HP movies things are put in as plot points, but in HBP it felt like this aspect was extremely stressed to the point where there was nothing else in the movie except obvious plot devices and crappy romance.  Here everyone says “but the romance showed how they grew up, so it was crucial!”  Yes, there obvious was going to be some romance because it was also a part of the books, but there was too much.  Practically every scene included a hint of if not romance itself, and the emphasis of HBP was not on romance, but on Harry learning how to defeat Voldemort.  The memories and the cave scene at the end were both pretty well done (forgot to add that to my like list, oh well), but it didn’t really flow well with the rest of the movie because the rest of the movie was practically all romance.  Plus the Harry/Ginny kiss scene failed.  “Close your eyes” …..um yea ok, and I thought the Cho/Harry kiss was bad.  This surpassed it.

Don’t even get me started on the end either.  Could it be any more corny?  I know I have a biased opinion on the movie because I grew up being an HP fan, but still, EVERY single HP movie has probably ended with “we’re best friends, let us stick together!”  *epic facepalm*

Dumbledore’s death was ok.  I wasn’t excepting a lot because I knew the funeral would be cut out, but I felt they could have done a little more with it.  Dumbledore was a pretty important character who lasted for six movies; he’s supposed to be the greatest wizard, and he was such a key character in the series.  He could have been acknowledged at least a little more, but ah well.

The attack on the burrow was also eh.  It could have been left out, but I realize that it was needed to provide more emphasis on the fact that the wizarding world is in danger and sacrifices will have to be made.

I like how Draco always wore a suit.  And how Fenrir Greyback was never explained.  I heard several people saying how they were confused about him after the movie.

Oh yes, one more thing: Ginny kicks major ass in Quidditch.  Bonnie Wright is awesome.  Add that to the like list too.

Sorry that my thoughts are all over the place.  It’s 1:30 in the morning, and I’m pretty tired, but there you go, all my first impressions of the movie.  Overall I’d say it was an ok movie but a horrible adaptation of the book.  Too much romance brought down the movie in my opinion.  However, watching it with GSET was pretty awesome.

Note: This is all my opinion.  If you have a different opinion, feel free to post it.  I’ll gladly argue.

GSET List of Addictions

-Caffeine
-Orange Soda
-Sugar
-Orange Soda
-Fluffy animals
- ^^ Add cute to that
-Music
-Asian Dramas
-Orange Soda
-Milk Tea
- ^^ with bubbles
-Sleep
- ^^ or a lack thereof
-Did I mention orange soda?

FYI: If you haven’t been a part of GSET ‘09 you probably won’t get this post.

Summer Updates

So I’ve been here at governor’s school at Rutgers for about a week and a half now.  It’s been pretty much a blast; I’ve been having such a great time.  The classes are awesome, the trips are amazing, and everyone here is pretty damn cool.  I actually get the time to do things I want to do, since Pburg kind of fails at that with block scheduling and such.  The classes I have are biomed engineering, computer science theory, and hacking social networks, as well as physics and robotics which are mandatory for everyone.  The classes are really nice because there’s no real stress put into the class from things like homework or tests or quizzes.  It’s mostly just lecture about things you find interesting, which is a nice change from the hectic classes of high school.  I also think my huge procrastinating is getting slightly better.  I’ve actually been doing things on time instead of at the last minute!  And I’m getting my competitive spirit back, which has been absent for practically four years, ever since I moved in middle school.  It’s a nice change.  Plus, the fact that I’m so busy with my project group, robotics, and classes means I have less time to sit around bored and let my mind meander, which is quite nice.

It’ll be a big change once gov school ends.  It’ll be slightly depressing to be honest.  It’s an amazing change to be away from the boredom of home and be able to have freedom to do what I want with few limits.  It won’t be fun going back to a regular schedule.

Whatever.  I think I’ll just milk my time here as much as I can.

Another School Year

So junior year’s over. Starting next year I’m a senior. Geez that’s a pretty scary thought, to be honest. It feels like just seconds ago I had graduated middle school and entered high school, and soon after two more months I’ll be part of the next graduating class. It’s a thought I still can’t believe. It’s especially saddening because my family will be moving to California after I graduate because my dad has to go work at his company’s main branch, so there most likely won’t be much of a chance that I’ll be able to see my high school friends again, unless someone is willing to let me live with them

As for this year, I’m content. My grades sucked a lot so my rank will most likely fall a bit, but I did a LOT more extracurricular stuff, especially piano-wise, so that made up for my grades. Next year though will be my return to studying. I mean it. I intend to force myself to work during gov school which will in turn help my study habits for next year. Hopefully.

Overall though, junior year has been a changing point in my life in more ways than one. Things happened that I expected, things happened that I definitely didn’t expect (one in particular…), but hey life comes at you from all directions. It wouldn’t be exciting if you were going down a straight path with no twists or turns.

Congratulations to this year’s graduating class! Senior class of 2010, let’s do this!

My Summer 2009 Goals/Plans

Ah what the heck, better to start planning earlier than later, even though I doubt many of these will be fulfilled.

1. Have a blast at GSET.
2. See the midnight screening of HBP (which may coincide with #1).
3. Finish the OQL site …lol.
4. Fully learn PHP and Javascript.
5. Go over Java in general so that I can be knowledgable next year.
6. BAND CAMP!!!! hahaha.
7. Complete some of the things on the evergrowing list of plans that Ashley and I have.
8. Start writing. Seriously I put this on every list of goals I ever make and it still hasn’t happened. Oh well, maybe one day…
9. Put the plans I have for an MMORPG down on paper.
10. Study for SATs in October.
11. Runescape subscription? 99 fishing? Maybe?
12. Finish college applications. Especially one for early decision.
13. Find a job online somewhere. Note: this is highly unlikely.
14. Learn something about networking.
15. Learn more about hacking. With good intentions.
16. OQL summer league!!
17. Work more on Shurtugal. Especially on the chat.
18. Practice piano. Get Mephisto down and memorized. Try to get Ondine at least up to half tempo with correct notes and fingering.

I believe that’s pretty much it. Now to see how much on this list I’ll actually complete…

Thinking

The mind is both a gift and curse. It’s such a bittersweet thing that rules over our lives, having less of an influence in some than in others. It is our minds that allow us to think, an action that can bring out the best, the worst, and the greatest frustration in some people. For me it’s the latter, sadly.

I can’t just do things. I can’t do it. Nike’s slogan contains the simplest three words and yet together they create a phrase that becomes the hardest thing for me to do. I can’t “just do it.” I end up questioning myself over and over again, thinking of every possible outcome to every possible situation before I just do something. It’s both good, helping me avoid sticky situations, and bad because I end up being unable to decide what to say/what to do and simply do nothing. Then later on I’ll get annoyed with myself because I couldn’t loosen my barriers for once and “just do it.”

I have to wonder how some people are able to just do things without giving a second thought to it. I really wish I had that ability, for it would make my life so much easier. Instead, I’m stuck with a mind that makes everything go through a thousand checks and barriers and walls before actually coming out. It’s infuriating at times, but what can you do?

I thought I was getting better, and I think I am because I’m slightly more outgoing than I was before, but I still quintuple guess myself. lskdjfjlsdhdks

Maybe I should just keep myself extremely tired or hyper. Those are the only time the thousand barriers in my mind break free and I end up doing whatever the hell I feel like doing. It’s a rather liberating feeling.

Ah well, I don’t know. I’m just typing my random thoughts for the day.

How Do People Give Advice?

I wish I knew how therapists got people to feel better. The human mind is just so vast and intricate that I don’t understand how it is possible for therapists to do what they’re paid to do.  The way I see it is that there’s two options for giving advice: optimism or reality.  If you try to make people feel better by being optimistic and trying to get them to hope for something better and/or see life in a brighter light, you may help them realize that life isn’t so bad after all.  On the downside, you may also fill them with false hope, which they will regret you for later on.  On the other hand, if you throw reality at someone to try and make them feel better, you may encourage them to try and fix what’s wrong in order to put their life back together.  On the downside, you may also cause them simply to feel worse as you push reality in their faces.

What about a mix of the two?  That would be ideal, but it’s hard to accomplish depending on the situation.  The easiest way to mix them up is if you’re giving advice in a situation you’ve gone through.  Then you know what to do and what to say.  However, what if you weren’t in that situation?  What if you don’t know how the person is truly feeling because you’ve never gone through their problems?  What do you say to them then, optimism or reality?  And how will you know which option is the right choice?  I’ve always gone with optimism, but lately I’ve been questioning my hypocricy.  In reality, life is not always sunny happy rainbows and flowers.  Life has problems and issues.  Instead of telling people to hope, maybe telling people to take responsibility for their actions and fix things up would be better, but would that be too harsh?

Of course though there’s always the option of humor, but that’s just a temporary sidetrack before the sticky situation hits you again.  It may be good for a short time, but eventually it’ll wear off.

I really don’t know at this point.  These are just random thoughts that have been going through my head recently.  I want to help people who are feeling down, I truly do, but sometimes it seems like I don’t because I don’t know what to say, and that is far from what I really wish.

Hiatus

Hello. Just updating to let you know that I’m still alive, though I’m going through a stage in life where nothing seems to be going right, not to mention I have way too much schoolwork than I make it out to be.

I will be resuming regular posting on here as well as a certain forum (if they haven’t killed me yet) asap.